DISCLAIMER: The Sentinel and its characters are the property of Petfly, Paramount, DiMeo and Bilson. This piece of fanfiction is written for the enjoyment of ourselves and others. No copyright infringement is intended. No money has exchanged hands.

REMEMBER by: Sharif, sharif@lsol.net and Zamlo, nccs@xmission.com

WITH THANKS to Dottie for her wonderful beta reading. Without her help you wouldn’t be reading this now.

Summary: Jim makes a decision that holds unimagined consequences.

REMEMBER

Each time Jim closed his eyes the image was there, the screams were there. There was no way of stopping them except to turn the dial down, way down. His gift had turned into a curse and he wanted no part of it, not if it meant having to face anything like that again. He tried to forget, but the scene would be forever engraved in his memory. The ten hour standoff had ended in tragedy, and by virtue of his ‘gift’ he had a front row seat to it all, unable to do anything but watch and listen. A husband and father who felt there was nothing left to live for.........for any of his family, had barricaded them in their home. After ten hours and seven minutes of talking and trying to persuade him to let his family go, he had killed them and then himself. Dead at twenty-nine, along with his twenty-six year old wife and their three children, no more than babies at five, three and fourteen months. By the time the Swat team had gained entry it was over. The one saving grace of the whole event had been the absence of his partner. Blair had gone to Seattle for the day with some students to see the South American exhibit. Jim had four hours to pull himself together before he was due back.

Maybe if he focused on one spot on the wall, one artifact he could get some rest, like sleeping with his eyes open. It was worth a try. He picked out a particularly beautiful mask he had always liked and let his eyes pick out every minute detail, dialing down all other senses at the same time. He let himself go, felt himself floating, and wished away the curse that brought so much pain with it.

********************************

"Jim......Jim! Come on back. Listen to my voice. Feel my heart...." He came back to awareness with a jerk. Blair sat beside him on the couch tapping his face gently, holding Jim’s hand over his heart, concern evident in the blue eyes. "Jim, what happened!? What did you zone on? Man, this hasn’t happened in so long. Are you all right? Jim?"

Jim looked around, a bit surprised to see it dark outside and the lamp on. He shook his head. "What time is it?"

"Little after ten. How long have you been like this? Does it have anything to do with that murder, suicide that was on the radio?" He gave Jim that "knowing" look. "Were you involved in that? Tell me you weren’t there, Jim."

"Wish I hadn’t been."

"I knew I shouldn’t have gone. You needed me and I wasn’t here." Blair hung his head and the curls curtained his face from Jim.

"Blair, look at me." Jim raised the young man’s head with a hand under his chin. "Your being here wasn’t going to change a thing. I don’t expect you to be by my side twenty-four hours a day; you do have a life outside of police work. Seeing that exhibit was important to you and your students. No more of this ‘I should have been here stuff, okay?"

"Was it bad?"

"Bad enough." Jim whispered. Blair did not need to know the whole story right now or the conclusion he had come to. The telling could wait until later, after all, these senses did not define them or their friendship.

"I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help."

"Hey, no more, okay. I thought we just settled that." Jim let go of Blair’s chin and stretched. "Ten?" He twisted around to see the clock. "You weren’t due back until eleven-thirty or so. Why so early?"

"Changing the subject, huh? That’s so not fair." Blair turned and let himself fall back against the couch cushions. "I wasn’t feeling too great. Got really tired all of a sudden. I was just going to wait in the car until they were done, but they decided to call it quits and come back early. Something else I messed up."

"I’m sure no one felt that way. You were willing to stay and it was only an hour or so." It was then, when Blair’s face was no longer in shadow, that he noticed what the students must have seen. He did look tired, beyond tired, exhausted, with just the barest hint of color circling his eyes. Jim raised a hand to the young man’s forehead and received a questioning look he chose to ignore. "No fever. Are you nauseous?"

"Not really, just beat. Think those couple of all night grading sessions are beginning to catch up with me."

"Did you eat anything?"

"We stopped between Seattle and here. I had some tea....wasn’t really hungry."

"I can heat up some soup, make a sandwich. Maybe that’s part of the reason you’re not feeling well." Jim got up and went to the kitchen.

"Jim, stop, I’m not hungry. I don’t want anything to eat. I’d just like to talk about what happened at that house today......make sure you’re handling it all okay. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you."

"Know what I want? I want you to go to bed before you fall over. Everything else can wait." Jim reached down for Blair’s arm and pulled him up. "Want me to tuck you in?"

"I think I can handle it on my own, but thanks for the offer." Blair went into his room, closing the french doors behind him.

Jim locked the front door, turned off the lights and headed for the loft bedroom.

Two hours later he was still unable to sleep, haunted not only by the murder scene but by the absence of his partner’s heartbeat. *Get over it, Ellison, you can’t have it both ways.* Jim gathered the comforter and pillow and went downstairs. He listened at the door but heard nothing on the other side, not even Blair breathing. He quietly eased the doors open and looked in. Blair was asleep, his face bathed in the soft pearl light of the moon shining in the window. It accentuated the barely perceptible shadows he had noticed earlier. Unable to leave, yet not willing to intrude, he grabbed the chair from the living room and placed it in the doorway to the small bedroom. The rest of the night was spent watching the rhythmic rise and fall of Blair’s chest and the wisps of hair that fluttered in the occasional breeze from the open window.

*******************************

Jim looked up from the eggs he was scrambling as Blair stumbled into the kitchen. "How you feeling this morning, Chief?" If Blair’s appearance was any indication he should turn right around and go back to bed. As restful as Jim knew the anthropologist’s sleep had been, he would have sworn Blair was tossing and turning the entire night. "Why don’t you sit down here and have some breakfast. It’ll be ready in a few minutes."

Blair sat down, pushing his hair back with one hand as he reached for the glass of orange juice with the other.

"Still a little tired but I’m feeling better than I was last night. Told you all I needed was a full night’s sleep. One more night and I should be up to full speed."

A small inner voice whispered that he should usher his partner back to bed, but he set the eggs and toast in front of him instead. "Hope you’re hungry, I made plenty." He knew he was grasping at straws when he’d made so much food, but he needed to do something tangible to quell the awful feeling that was beginning to gnaw at his insides. *He didn’t eat much yesterday, just need to get some decent food into him.* That thought from the junk food king, sometimes he amazed even himself.

Conversation was scarce, but Jim did feel much better after watching his friend eat all he had set in front of him and then ask for more toast and juice . *That’s all it was, he just needed to eat. He’ll be looking like his old self in no time. Nothing to worry about.......Then why won’t this feeling go away?* He pushed the thought roughly aside. He had been going to broach the subject of his new found freedom but then thought better of it. It could wait for a more opportune time.

Blair got up from the table, putting his dishes in the sink. "Jim," he called over his shoulder as he was closing the bathroom door, "Could you drop me off at the university? I let Todd take my car home last night. Told him I’d get it today."

"No problem, Chief, but I have to leave here in half and hour. Think you can be ready?" Jim asked as he began clearing the rest of the table.

"Be ready in twenty-five." Blair closed the door and seconds later Jim heard the shower go on.

Twenty-five minutes later they were in the truck and every one of Jim’s instincts were screaming at him that despite the big breakfast and his partner’s promptness, Blair was not well.

*******************************

Jim walked toward the bullpen, coffee cup in hand, congratulating himself on finally coming to terms with this Sentinel stuff. Both he and Blair were better off without it. Now things could get back to normal and they could concentrate on their friendship without the interference of tests, zone outs and the constant worry of someone finding out about his enhanced senses. He was well aware he’d tried before to let them go only to regain them, but not this time. The hardest part was going to be telling Blair and convincing him that they didn’t need them, they’d still be who they were without the senses, in fact they’d be better. Sentinel/Guide was just one facet of their relationship.

"Jim." Henri Brown called to him as he entered Major Crimes. "I’ve been looking for you. A Professor Samuels called; Hairboy was on his way back from his afternoon lecture when he collapsed outside of his office. She wanted to call 911 but he talked her into calling you instead. She said she’d stay with him until you get there."

"Thanks H." Jim called as he ran out the door. "Let Simon know what happened then call Samuels and let her know I’m on my way." *Common sense, not Sentinel senses, that’s all it would have taken.* Jim berated himself. *I should never have let him go. This time we’re going to the ER.*

**********************************

Jim broke his own record in getting to Rainier, lights and siren clearing the way. A call to the ER had alerted Dr. MacKenzie that he was bringing his partner in.

The truck door stood open, keys still in the ignition as he took the steps to Hargrove Hall two at a time. Professor Samuels met him at Blair’s office door.

"You must be Jim; I’m Bernadette Samuels. My office is right next door." She pointed to the adjacent office then offered Jim her hand. He shook it distractedly, looking past her into the office.

"Blair’s sleeping on his cot behind the shelving units.. He doesn’t seem to be in any distress, just extremely tired.

"Thanks for calling me. Do you know what happened?" Jim asked as he hurried into the office and knelt beside the cot his partner occupied.

"Just what I told you. I was just leaving when I saw Blair collapse. He didn’t fall so much as fold in on himself. I wanted to call the ambulance but he wouldn’t hear of it."

"He never lost consciousness then?" Jim smoothed back the hair from the pale face, noting again the shadows that were more pronounced than they had been that morning.

"No. I helped him to the cot then called you. He was aware of what was going on."

"How long has he been sleeping?" He looked so peaceful that Jim hated to wake him but he had to get him to the hospital.

"He was out by the time he laid down."

"I’ll get him up. Could you get the door for me, please?"

"Of course."

"Blair, buddy, it’s Jim. I’m here now. Time to wake up." He eased his hand under the curly head and lifted it slightly. Relief flooded through him as the blue eyes opened and focused on him. "Are you with me here, buddy?"

"Jiimm?"

"It’s me, Chief. How you doing?" Jim asked as he lowered his hand from behind Blair’s head to his shoulder and eased him up, helping him swing his legs off the cot. "Are you dizzy?"

"No, just so tired. Wanna go home and sleep for a week." Blair rested his head against the arm he had perched on his knee."

"I think that can be arranged, but we have to make a stop first. I’ve already called the hospital and let them know we’re coming in. That is not negotiable." Blair nodded, seemingly too tired to protest, and the ache in Jim’s center got worse. "Think you can stand up?"

"Yes."

Jim gently pulled him to his feet, one hand on his back the other under his arm. He would have sworn Blair felt lighter than his 143 pounds. "Truck’s right outside the front door. We’ll take it slow. If you get dizzy just lean on me." Jim nodded his thanks to the professor as she opened the door for them.

"I’ll take care of getting someone to cover his classes for the rest of the week."

"We’d appreciate that."

"Thanks, Bernadette." Blair added in a toneless voice.

"You just take care of yourself and get back here."

*************************************

An orderly was waiting with a wheelchair as Jim pulled into the ER parking lot. He was out of the truck and around to the passenger side before the man had the door open. Together they got Blair out of the truck and into the wheelchair.

"Jim, I really don’t need this thing. Just help me, okay?" A bit of the old spirit sent Jim’s emotions soaring. These ups and downs had him feeling like he was on a roller coaster ride.

"You stay right where you are young man." Came the faint Scottish bur of Dr. MacKenzie. "John," he addressed the orderly, "Room 2 and stay with him until I get there. He doesn’t get out of that chair." Jim did not miss the daggered look Blair aimed at the doctor as the orderly pushed his partner down the hall.

"So, Jim, what happened? The nurse who took the call didn’t give me any details." Ian asked as they walked down the hall.

"Wish I knew. When he left for Seattle yesterday morning he was fine. When he got home last night he said he didn’t feel well and was tired. He did look exhausted. As you can see, it’s gone downhill from there. I shouldn’t have let him go to the university."

"Jim, Blair is an adult and capable of making his own decisions about how much rest he needs."

"We are talking about the same Blair here, right,........my partner? The one who doesn’t have the words sleep or rest in his vocabulary."

"Point made. Maybe he does need a bit of guidance at times."

"I got a call about an hour ago saying that he collapsed. He was out like a light when I got there."

"Unconscious?"

"No. According to Professor Samuels he never lost consciousness. Just seemed to be in a deep sleep. Do you have any idea what could be wrong with him?"

"Not yet. Why don’t you wait out here while I check him out." Ian pointed to the chair outside of the door.

"Had them put it there special for you."

Jim shook his head. "I’m going in with you."

"Jim, the exam room is not very big. You’ll be right outside the door. If we need you, we’ll let you know."

" I’ll be right here." Jim reluctantly answered then resigned himself to the fact that he was not getting into the exam room and sat down. And waited. The doctor, nurses and technicians came and went over the next hour and a half, but still they would not let Jim sit with Blair. He was getting tired of hearing that there was no room for him and very soon now he was going to make room. He’d heard snippets of conversation as the door was opened but no more. At this particular moment he was beginning to regret his decision, at least where it concerned Blair. Being a Sentinel did have its perks, if only it wasn’t balanced by so much pain.

"How is he? Did you find out what’s wrong?" Jim practically pounced on the man as he came out of the exam room once again.

"Slow down, Jim. Sit down." Ian pushed him back into the chair. "I couldn’t find any reason for concern. I wanted to keep him for observation and to run a few tests but he vetoed that suggestion. I did manage to get a blood sample. The preliminary results have all come back completely normal."

"That’s crazy. Something has to be causing this."

"I would like to run those tests but since he won’t consent to them, you can take him home."

"Let me talk to him. Maybe I can get him to agree."

"Much as I’d like to, let’s not push it for now. We could be dealing with stress related symptoms and if that’s the case, I don’t want to add to it by insisting on tests. Just keep me informed of his condition, any change at all, I want to know about it. I don’t like this anymore than you do."

"Don’t have to worry about that, Doc." *Especially since I can’t shake this feeling that something is very wrong.* Jim added to himself.

"Call me at least once a day even if you don’t see any change. You have my home and beeper numbers. Day or night, doesn’t matter." He offered Jim his hand then turned to leave. As he did, Jim would have sworn he heard him mutter something about foolish, impossible to reason with anthropologists.

********************************

Two days later Jim was at his desk finishing up the last of the details on the murder/suicide. *That’s it and hopefully the end of the whole damn nightmare.* Jim thought as he scrawled his signature on the last form and closed the file folder. He only wished he could close off his memories as easily, but felt some relief in knowing he’d never have to experience anything like it again with quite the same intensity.

It had taken three and a half hours to finish up and close the case. He had not wanted to leave Blair alone but had no choice. He’d been sleeping when he left and with any luck was still sleeping. He had left a note on the off chance he did wake and wonder where Jim had gone. Blair had not been kidding when he said he could sleep for a week. At least he had not had any more episodes like the one at the university. When he was awake he was alert and ate well. Jim spoke with Ian on a daily basis, usually later at night. All the blood tests had come back normal which left little to go on without Blair’s cooperation.

His thoughts were interrupted when he looked up and saw Simon coming down the hall with an unconscious observer in his arms, his head propped against the captain’s shoulder and his arms hanging loose. Jim was out the door in a heartbeat.

"What happened? How did he get here?" Jim had his hand against Blair’s forehead, checking for fever, then layed two fingers against his neck and was temporarily reassured.

"Break room." Simon nodded toward the room at the end of the hall and Jim rushed ahead to get the door.

Simon lowered Blair onto the couch and sat in the nearby chair. "Have you been starving him, Jim? He’s so light."

"He’s eating well. His clothes aren’t any looser. I can’t explain it."

"Do you want me to call the paramedics?"

Jim sat down beside his friend on the couch. "Not yet. If I can get him to wake up I’ll just take him in myself. Ian doesn’t want him stressed out and taking an ambulance ride definitely doesn’t fit that prescription. You could get me a glass of water though and maybe a wet towel."

"Coming right up."

"Blair, Chief, come on wake up now." Jim tapped his face lightly. "Where did you find him?"

"One of the patrolman found him in the elevator and grabbed me when I was coming off the stairs on the fifth floor. I don’t know what he was doing here. Neil said he was out cold when he found him." Simon handed him the towel and set the glass on the floor along side the couch.

Jim wiped Blair’s face, hoping to rouse him. It worked and he was rewarded with a little smile and questioning eyes? "Hey, Chief. Can you tell me what happened? What you’re doing here?"

"He just woke up, Jim, give him a chance." Simon cautioned.

Jim nodded. "Why don’t you sit up, try some water." He helped Blair sit up as Simon retrieved the glass of water and handed it to the detective. Jim held the glass for his partner, "Easy, just a little at a time now.............Feeling better? Up to telling me what happened?"

"I’m fine, Jim. Really. I think it was the sensation of going up that did it. It made me feel lightheaded and the next thing I know I’m in here........How’d I get in here?"

"Would you believe Simon carried you?"

"Oh, man, I’ll never live this down. Who was out there?"

"Take it easy. The bullpen was empty except for Jim and unbelievably no one was in the halls either." Simon consoled and Jim almost laughed at the relief that leapt into the cornflower eyes.

"Why did you come? You could have just called if you needed anything. And just how did you get here? I hope you didn’t drive?"

"I didn’t drive. Took a cab." Jim turned to Simon and whispered to put in a call to the ER as he listened to his partner’s explanation. Simon left.

"Where’s Simon going?"

"Went to call the hospital."

"Why make such a fuss over an elevator ride?"

"We’re talking about more than an elevator ride here, Chief. If you know what’s happening, tell me and we’ll forget the hospital. Otherwise........"

"Not really, not that I can explain anyway." Blair interrupted, "It’s just a feeling that something isn’t right, you know, ‘over there’...........unsettled somehow." Blair gestured into the air and Jim had no doubt what he was referring to. "I had to let you know." This was getting weirder with each passing second and Jim was at a loss to understand any of it.

*Maybe this is a sign that I should have told him already, that I should tell him now about my decision.* The thought was irrelevant as Simon came back in.

"Dr. MacKenzie is there, but with an accident victim and I couldn’t speak to him. Sally did though. He wants you to bring him in. By the time you get there he should be able to see him."

"I’m right here guys." Blair raised a hand in a small wave. "This is me you’re discussing and I am not going to any hospital. So you can just call them right back and tell them he ain’t coming."

Jim’s head was aching with all the questions spinning around in it, all with no answers, and his patience had come to an end. "Simon, can you get the door?" Without a moment’s hesitation he picked his partner up, shocked as he settled Blair into his arms. Simon had not exaggerated. Blair felt way too light.

"Put me down, Jim." Blair said sternly and pushed at his friend’s chest. Jim did not comply. *Dignity be damned.* Something was definitely wrong and he wanted to know what it was. NOW!

The few people they did pass didn’t question Jim, just stepped out of his way. Jim felt Blair bury his face in his shirt and knew under other circumstances, he’d be feeling the heat of a blush as well. *Kid, I didn’t want to do this but you didn’t give me any other choice, and there wasn’t time to sit and argue about it.* Besides the ache in his belly intensifying, Jim was beginning to feel something in the air around them. Like a storm was brewing and every part of him was screaming to get Blair to safety. His ‘Blessed Protector’ status did not seem to be limited to Blair the Guide.

*********************************

Dr. MacKenzie had finished with his other patient by the time Jim arrived at the ER door and quickly ushered them into the only available exam room. "You run whatever tests you think you need. He’s consenting to any and all of them. Aren’t you, Chief?"

Chief remained silent.

"Is that so Blair?" Ian looked from one to the other? "I can arrange to have you admitted?"

"Blair." Jim’s tone left no avenue of escape.

"I’ll stay, but this really isn’t necessary."

"Why don’t we just run the tests and see............Help him get into that gown, Jim, while I see about getting him a room and scheduling those tests...........I’ll be back in a couple minutes and check him over."

After he’d left, Jim turned to help Blair get out of his clothes and into the gown. "I’m sorry, I didn’t want to embarrass you but I had to get us out of there."

"It’s all right, Jim, I felt it too. Maybe no one will say anything, just let it go." Blair looked up at him with that shy smile, "I can hope, can’t I?.........Doesn’t matter anyway." With those words all the fight seemed to go out of him and he let Jim do most of the undressing and dressing. Once again the roller coaster plunged downward.

***********************************

Blair was released two days later. A rush had been put on the test results and all came back negative, proclaiming to all that saw them that the anthropologist/observer was a very healthy individual. All of which did not reassure Jim the least bit.

The enforced rest had not improved Blair’s haggard appearance and he seemed even weaker. His weight still registered l43 pounds. Jim knew that was impossible. He also had no way of proving otherwise. The scale, after all, did not lie.

When all tests showed nothing, Blair had insisted on being released, stating that he had done as Jim wanted and now wanted to go home. He seemed to grasp something Jim only now felt tickling at his own consciousness. Reluctantly he took his partner home. Deep inside he knew time was running out, but not how to stop it or even slow it down.

***********************************

It was late, the witching hour almost upon them. Blair slept as he had that first night with moonlight blanketing him, and the breeze lifting then returning the auburn tendrils that haloed his head. He seemed to be fading even as Jim watched. The pallid skin had taken on a translucence and he had the feeling if he reached out to touch, his hand would go straight through him. Jim was both drawn to and repulsed by the idea.

Maybe if he knew why it would be easier. No that wasn’t right. Nothing was going to make this any easier. *This*, he was still afraid to speak the truth. *Go ahead, say it.* he chided himself, *It can’t change anything.* He thought about it, tried to force himself to say the words. Finally, with much concentration, "Blair..... is dying. Blair is going to....die." There, he’d said it. There was no going back, it was reality now, but a future without Blair in it was not something he was prepared to face. Blair was, after all, his...............

"Jim......you here?"

"I’m here." Jim whispered as he rose from the chair and sat on the edge of the futon. "I’m not going to leave you, promise. I’ll be right here." Jim took Blair’s hand, shocked when it did not just pass through into nothingness, and placed it over his heart.

"Will....you....do something....for me?"

"Anything. Just tell me." He pushed the silvered strands away from his friend’s face and watched as they seemed to dissipate into the moonlight.

"Take......me to Peru......have to...get.....there."

Of all the things Blair could have asked of him, this one never entered his mind. He was at a loss as how to respond.

"Peru?" he asked in the same hushed tone Blair had used, searching his mind at the same time to come up with some way to accomplish the request.

"Have to go... Please, Jim......won’t ask......anything......ever again. Promise." That did it. Jim’s composure fled. There was nothing left to fight this force with and nothing left with which to control his emotions. He lay his head on Blair’s chest and cried, not ashamed of the tears that wet the shirt beneath his cheek. Eventually he became aware of Blair’s fingers brushing through his hair and the soft whispers trying to comfort him and ease his anguish.

Feeling. Hearing. Seeing. Smelling. Tasting. He was never so glad that he had turned his back on them all. At the time he was sure nothing could ever match the agony he’d felt when that monster had killed his family. He was wrong. He had survived that, there was no way he was going to survive this and remain sane. It was with effort that he drew himself away from Blair. "Sorry."

"Nothing..... to be... sorry for."

"It’s a long way to Peru, buddy." Jim consoled as he frantically sorted mentally through contacts and resources that might be able to help him. FAST.

"Have to.....go, Jim......Please." Blair pleaded, breaking Jim’s heart more with each word. And then a conversation he had with Simon a few weeks back flashed to the forefront of his memory.

Reluctantly he let go of Blair’s hand and got to his feet. "Be right back." Blair answered with a small smile and Jim ran for the phone. He dialed Simon’s number even as he left the apartment and went to the elevator, hitting the button to hold the doors open. As he returned, Simon sleepily answered his phone.

"Banks here. This better be an emergency."

"Simon, remember a couple weeks ago, you told me your friend was opening a rain forest exhibit in that big dome outside of town?"

"Jim? It’s after midnight. Can’t this wait? What’s so important about a rain forest exhibit that can’t wait until a more reasonable hour?"

"Blair’s not....... I’m going to.....lose him, Simon" Jim forced the words out between tears he had no control over, trying not to let his voice crack but failing. "Simon, please, he asked me to take him to Peru. It’s the one thing he asked for and that dome is the only way I know to get him anywhere near there in time..... Simon?........You still there?"

"Jim." Even though softly spoken, he heard the shock in the captain’s voice. "I thought he was going to be all right, that all the tests showed he was fine. Why didn’t you tell me, Jim? Hurt and concern were there. "Have you contacted Naomi?"

"I’m sorry, Simon. I wish there was an easier way, but I kept hoping there wouldn’t be anything to tell. As for Naomi, I tried but couldn’t find her. I can’t help it if she doesn’t let us know where she’s going..........I don’t have time for this." Jim was running on empty, his reserves spent as he asked again. "Can you get your friend to let us into that dome tonight. Now?"

"I’ll see if I can get a hold of him. Get back to you as soon as I can."

Jim looked in on his partner again. He’d gone back to sleep, although this time it was not peaceful. He twisted and turned, constantly repeating "Have to get there".

The phone in his hand rang and Jim quickly answered it. "Simon?"

"It’s me, Jim. I can pick up the key and be at your place in forty-five minutes. I’m leaving now."

"No, it’ll take too long. We’ll meet you there." Jim did not say good-bye, simply tossed the phone on the couch and went to get his partner.

"Chief, we’re going to Peru. Right now. We don’t even have to pack." He sat Blair up then wrapped the comforter around him, not taking the time to even slip sweats on over the boxers and tank top. What difference would it make?

Blair was weightless in his arms; Jim was sure the comforter was heavier than his partner. He stopped at the refrigerator long enough to grab a couple bottles of water and tuck them into a fold of the comforter away from Blair. He didn’t bother closing the loft door behind him, if anybody wanted anything they could have it. He already held what mattered most to him.

Blair roused some as Jim set him down on the truck seat. "You back with me, Chief?" Jim tipped the curly head back, hoping for some kind of recognition on Blair’s part. "We’re going to Peru. Do you understand? Just hold on, okay. We’ll be there soon." Jim assured him as he fastened the seat belt around the lax body.

"Peru?"

"Yeah, kid, Peru, or as close to it as we can find in Cascade."

"Love you..... part.....my soul." Whispered words that Jim heard and felt.

"I know." he whispered back, "I love you, too." Words often spoke with no real meaning behind them. But he meant them, more than he ever meant anything in his life. Now when it was too late, he found he could say the words.

As if reading his mind, Blair murmured, "Not too.....late........remem......" then lost consciousness again.

Jim shook him none to gently. "No!.............Blair, please. What is it? Do you remember something, anything?" *Damn! What if he’s begging me to remember something that can help him?* Jim chastised himself as he closed the passenger door and ran for the driver’s side of the truck. Tires squealed as he threw the truck into drive.

***************************

He could not get the enigmatic phrase to stop repeating in his head. *Remember.............. Remember.........Remember what?* Even as he drove it was impossible to get the echo out of his head.

He was sure Blair had been trying to tell him something important, but what? Those weren’t the words of an hallucination, they came from within and had taken his last bit of energy. He had to figure it out soon.

Simon met them with the key. He’d offered to stay and wait but Jim had sent him home with a promise to call. This was something he had to do by himself. *If only I knew what he’s trying to tell me.*

The air inside the dome was warm and moist, with just the hint of a breeze. It was as close to a rain forest as was humanly possible without actually being there. Parrots and other birds called to each other, their vibrant colors apparent even in the dim nighttime lighting. Above them appropriate constellations completed the effect. Jim closed the door behind them and made his way further into the interior. Blair could no longer be considered a weight, more an entity that needed to be tethered to this realm least he float away. At that thought Jim clutched him tighter to his chest as he ventured forward on the winding path.

Near the center of the dome he left the narrow walkway and layed his partner down, discarding the comforter in favor of grass and foliage. "Hey, buddy, we’re here. That didn’t take too long, did it?...........How about a little water?" He raised Blair’s head and held the bottle to his lips, pouring a small amount into his mouth. "Blair?" he pleaded as he tipped a little of the water into his hand and patted his face. "I know there’s a reason you wanted me to bring you here.........What is it? Come on, buddy. You can’t leave me.....please."

Blair remained limp, still with him in body, but his spirit was slipping free. Jim could almost feel it becoming one with the breezes around them. It seemed appropriate that since it had all started in a setting such as this, that it would end in one as well. He didn’t question any of it, it was too late for that anyway, so he just gave into it. He blanked his mind to all but the sensation of Blair lying against him and let his mind roam where it would. As he let himself slip deeper, he felt himself begin to merge with Blair’s spirit and in that moment he found his answer. REMEMBER, and he did.

When he’d lost his senses while trying to rescue Simon and Daryl in Peru, he’d followed his spirit animal through the jungle where it had changed into the figure of a warrior on the steps of a temple. He had asked why his abilities had been taken away. //To remind you of who you were. What you have experienced so far is just an initiation. Now is the time to make a choice. You can go back the way you came and be an ordinary man or you can go forward, but to do so will require your life and your soul. Are you prepared to make such a journey?// After a moment’s hesitation, he had answered "yes".

Then another memory, one much more recent. * Part of my soul.* As Blair was of his; a shared soul. And it all fell into place. When he had given up the Sentinel gifts he had turned his back not only on the senses but also on the commitment he had made. In the Chopec belief he had sworn a solemn oath and now he had broken it. HIS LIFE AND SOUL WERE FORFEIT. He looked down at the face cradled close to his heart and finally understood what he had done. Somehow Blair had sensed the change and attempted to guide him to the answer. Guide him, not only what Blair did, but who he was. HIS GUIDE. It was as engrained in Blair as being a Sentinel was in him. It was not simply an aspect of who he was. It was a total package: Sentinel, cop, friend, soulmate; Guide, anthropologist, friend, soulmate. All inclusive, each a part of the other.

As the consequences of his decision sank in his gaze was drawn upward. Although the dome was solid he could see faint strands of light filtering in around joints and scattered areas where the opaque, sky-replicating fiberglass was infinitesimally thinner. Subtly different from the totally artificial light, Jim could make out the individual molecules that defined and separated them as clearly as he suddenly heard the beloved heartbeat; strong, steady and comforting.

Jim’s arm began to ache from supporting his friend and he glanced down. Blair still lay contentedly against him, a beatific smile now lighting his face, and life dancing in the transparent, indigo depths. Even in the night shadows, Jim could make out the healthy pink glow beginning to stain Blair’s cheeks and wholeheartedly returned the smile, letting it say what he had no words for.

"You remembered." The whispered benediction.

"I’ll never forget again." Jim solemnly promised as he hugged Blair tighter to himself, needing to ground the overwhelming emotions that ran through him in a physical reality. He already surmised that the need for the jungle setting was a subconscious attempt on Blair’s part to jog his memory, but other questions still ran rampant through Jim’s mind. Foremost, what had Blair been sensing all this time. It was what he found he could not live without that amazed and comforted him. He knew now he would have followed Blair shortly; to go on without him was not only unthinkable but impossible. Two lives intertwined, one soul, connected for eternity.

The jungle night closed in around them. In the mist above them floated the ghostly, shimmering form of a Chopec warrior, guarding the guardians as they slept the deep, restful slumber of complete peace.

END