After the Explosion—the Other Side
by
BAW
For disclaimers
and explanations, see ‘Incidents’ main page.
Imagine this to
have taken place contemporaneously or immediately following After the Explosion. I have no idea if women really talk like this when they're on their own. As a Classics major,
I have read my Euripides and know the fate of men who spy on women's mysteries.
I couldn't quite
tell this all in dialog, but I used as little narration as I could get away
with.
ÍÎÏÐÑÒÓÔÌÍÎÏÐÑÒÓÔ
“Oooh! The nerve of them!”
“What idiots!”
“Morons!”
“Blockheads!”
“Imbeciles!”
“Cretins!”
“Ninnys!”
“Tomnoddies!”
“Flibberdigibbits!”
“Airheads!”
“I wonder if Jim was a blond when he had hair?”
“And as for Jacob—what was it that Shakespeare said about ‘more hair than wit’?”
“Look at me! I’m still shaking!”
“Let’s get some coffee.”
“The last thing I need is caffeine! I think I need some brandy.”
×××ÚÚÙzÙÚÚØØ
“Two snifters and brandy—leave the bottle!”
“What is it with those two?”
“They seemed so nice.”
“Smart, caring, considerate.”
“Funny, handsome.”
“Jacob’s cute. Jim’s handsome.”
“How Jacob could have proposed that asinine ménage! A duplex, I tell you!”
“I’m not surprised at Jacob; he was raised by flower children, after all. But Jim’s agreeing to it. . . .? He’s so conventional.”
“Probably the military. A duplex is a step up from a barracks, or even b.o.q.”
“But I want to know why. They work together, live together, vacation together—they’re practically in one anothers’ pockets.”
“It isn’t normal.”
“I mean I can understand this whole David-and-Jonathan thing, but enough is enough.”
“A wife—or even a fiancée—should come first.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I like you, but we work in the same hospital, are engaged to a pair of best friends. If we were neighbors as well, we’d get on one another’s nerves, I’m sure.”
“Living on opposite sides of the same duplex is a little more than just neighbors. I’m not sure what the right word is.”
“Well, at least they didn’t expect us to move into the Loft, the four of us together.”
“That’s something, anyway.”
“Well, we’re better off without them anyway.”
“Are we?”
"Sure we are. Confusion to them! The dolts!"
"Lummoxes!"
"Morons!"
"Idiots!"
"Wow, look how much brandy's gone. Waiter, another bottle!"
ååååååå
It was perhaps coincidence--or, perhaps not--that Insp. Megan Connor and Det. Margaret Ross-Ellison had chosen this evening as a 'girl's night out', and that they had selected this particular bar as their next stop. Maggie, having recently discovered herself pregnant, was still sober, having stuck to fruit juices and ginger ale for the evening; one would never notice it, for she was one of those rare individuals who could shed her inhibitions without alcoholic assistance. Megan, on the other hand, not being so restricted, was--in the old expression--two sheets to the wind and unrolling a third. She was not, however, so far divorced from reality to not recognize trouble when she saw it. Seeing the girlfriends of a brother-in-law and a close friend working on a second bottle of brandy was certainly a sign of trouble.
"Hey! Megan! Maggie!"
"Come on! Join us!"
"Sure," said Maggie, sitting down, "Waiter, a ginger ale for me and for my friend.. "
"A Guiness," said Megan, "Good for you, you know."
"How could you have married into that family?"
"And work with those idiots."
"Morons."
"Imbeciles."
"Cretins."
"Ninnies."
"JERKS!"
"Ah!" slurred Megan, "Trouble in para. . .para. . .
"You said it."
"What happened?" asked the concerned Maggie, "Stevie said Jim was going to propose tonight."
"And
"Oh, they did. But what a proposal!"
"They asked us to marry them. . . "
". . . and then had the nerve to say they'd found a duplex. . ."
". . . .and intended that Jim and I would live in one half. . ."
". . . .and Jacob and I in the other!"
"And do you know what the worst part is?"
"They expected us to be pleased!"
"They just sat there, looking so complacent."
:"That's when we let them have it."
Megan looked at Maggie. Maggie looked at Megan. Both sighed.
"I wish they'd come to us first," said Megan, suddenly almost sober.
"Jim and Stevie grew up without a mother, without sisters. . ." explained Maggie.
"Jacob has his Mom, but Naomi. . . .is hardly typical."
"To put it politely. You've not met her?"
The civilians shook their heads.
"You have to understand," said Maggie, "that Jim and Jacob have a very close relationship, one which is outside of convention, a very special one."
"What! You mean. . .they're. . . they're. . . l---"
"NO!" said the two detectives together.
"Though in some ways it would be easier if they were," said Megan.
"People would understand that," explained Maggie, "they might disapprove, but they'd understand."
"We'd explain, but it really isn't our place," said Megan, "I'm sure they'd have explained if you'd given them a chance."
"We promise, though, that it isn't anything evil or perverted or ugly--just unusual. And very special," assured Maggie, "Ask yourself the Dear Abby question: 'Am I better off with him or without him.'" If the answer is 'with', then go back and ask for an explanation. And listen, really listen. And, now, let's get you home."
"In your condition," said Megan, "if you tried to drive we'd have to arrest you."
vvvvvvvv
"Oh, my head."
"There's something disgusting in my mouth; I think it's my tongue."
"How much brandy did we drink last night?"
"I lost track."
"How did we get to your place?"
"Someone drove us. Oh, yeah---those two ladies who work with The Jerks."
"The last thing I remember was one of them saying something about 'Dear Abby'."
"Yeah. The 'Dear Abby' question. 'Am I better off with him, or without him?'"
"Well?'
>>sigh<<
>>sigh<<
"I guess the answer is 'with'."
"I guess it is."
"We'll take them back."
"After a suitable amount of groveling."
"Of course. We'd get kicked out of the union if we let them get off scot-free. Now, where do you keep the sodi-bi?"
=*end*=